An observation I’ve noticed is that when we are in a negative mindset, or dealing with someone experiencing negative emotions, there is always someone or something to blame, be it ourselves or something outside of us. This represents an opportunity to flip the situation on it’s head, however, it is easier said than done.
Every time we experience something negative, it presents us with an opportunity to reframe the situation from a different perspective. We can try to understand why someone did a thing to us that we didn’t like, or we can try to understand why we don’t like the thing that was done, or as some research on self-awareness has indicated, we can ask what instead of why, and try to understand what we will do differently to avoid the unpleasant situation again.
If we continue to blame another person, or ourselves, or the set of circumstances, we are taking away our own power over the event, and giving it to something that seems outside of our control. Of course when an event has you really emotionally charged it is much more difficult to take a breath and think logically, but once you’ve had time to remove yourself from the situation, use it as an opportunity to think about alternative solutions, if the situation is unresolved, or what you can learn about yourself or someone else.
Our greatest ability to learn comes from our mistakes, so if you did something that you feel could have been done differently, reflect on that and file it away in your memory banks, or observe how one assumption or action generated a negative outcome and then attempt to avoid doing it again, or caution others so that they might avoid it too.
If you determine that another person, or set of circumstances outside of your control, is the cause of your discomfort, take a moment to think what it is about the situation that you don’t like. Notice how you feel, and then to learn from it, be grateful that someone showed you a way of acting that is not in congruence with how you feel people should treat one another. Make a promise to yourself to never act in that manner towards another person. It isn’t going to change whatever they did, but you can control your reaction and make sure you don’t continue the cycle of negative outcomes.
Adopting the mindset of learning instead of blaming rewrites the narrative for most any situation from one of being a victim, to one where you are in control over your actions and able to treat others better, rising above whatever negativity had existed. It is not something that is easy to do, and we still must learn some unpleasant lessons in life, however, we can create for ourselves a silver lining that offers the promise of a better future for ourselves and those we meet.
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